Yea, this post isn’t going on FB either haha. That title is so 2014 actually.
As you may or may not know readers I was in a long-term on and off relationship that was before a friend ship. And it ended in august/ september ish there was no real END date it just kinda went down up down and then ended. But it was always like this, unhealthy never going anywheres-ness. We are friends now, which is manageable for the moment.
I mean for once in my life I can do things how and when I want to. I don’t have to just check in or clarify to anyone. BUT there’s also the whole being an extrovert and wanting to socialize or be with people aspect that becomes lonely because you’ve lost an array of people in your life but as you see it doesn’t have to be that way. When you’re a mature adult it doesn’t have to be this cut throat ending. Well maybe that’s because there was no cheating involved in which case I can’t fucking stand cheaters and if it were to happen to me I wouldn’t keep that person in my life at all. But this previous relationship – the person is a good person he’s just not “the one” I guess you can say in a lame way. But he has been a good friend and I feel like in some way he will be for a long while. but it does make the other friendships made through the relationships (aka his friends) a little awkward, in my own personal opinion but maybe that’s because I’m socially awkward ?
Some people LOVE being alone, Some DESPISE it. Well folks I’m that guy (actually I am a female I’m just using the term guy loosely) the one who is like WELP I’m alone what to do, eat ice cream? watch sad movies ? Walk my dog at night-time? (not that ANY of those were real life examples – I don’t even buy ice cream haha) But what to do, I’m a mix of introverted and extroverted, if that even makes sense – I like to be alone but hate it, I like being with people but the sometimes I hate it. *I actually do walk my dog at night for the most part a couple of times a week it is pretty nice no ones driving by or around, just us two walkin’.
Anyways so my solution was to no-doubtly buy a dog, which was a great idea and I don’t regret it at all (but it was unexpectedly costly good thing I had 4k in savings) Duke, he is seriously the new love of my life and of course I still love Dutchess too!
And as for the rest I’m just going with it, the flow of life; sleep, eat, work, school, dogs, bills, cleaning, fitness, and repeat. What else can you do ?
travel the world, fall in love with yourself, be happy, see things that are new and exciting everyday, new experiences these are the things I am aiming to do in the now and future as much as possible . If that means being forever alone except having my dogs then so be it because the only person who knows you the best, loves you more than anyone else and who is with you 24/7 365 for life is YOU- YOURSELF that’s all you got and the rest are interactions which come together to make your life experiences with others, mind you don’t mistake this for “I’m never ever dating ugh I hate men” That is not at all what I’m saying, I’m just going to do what I do best and if someone lines up and is well you know the obvious “attractive, and mentally stimulating and is a hard worker and wants to share some of these experiences and is in love and I am too” then that happens, but I’m not forcing anything, I’m not chasing, I’m not going after, I’m not going online dating, I’m not settling, I’m not going after 17 year olds ever again cause like ew haha, I’m not going to sleep around. I’m just not going to extremes to put myself out there but I am living and I feel like this will lead to things as life lets you. I do not believe in faith or everything will fall together I believe in doing something you love and finding someone along the way and this is applicable to meeting friends too. Just gonna do what I do, how I do, when I do all those do’s. haha does that even make sense :p.
I feel like I’m putting too much effort into explaining myself haha I’m one of those complicated elaborated not simplified persons don’t get me wrong I’m not extreamly happy, because well right now all I can think of is my shitty car and my homework assignment which I’m avoiding and in turn writing about this complicated mess of love and life. But I am living and I am doing the things I love which adds up to happiness. Which compared to a couple of years ago I’m way happier right now than I was 5 years ago or even months ago. Which in the long run is what matters most right? WHAT is with this font.
Awkwardness, so essentially I’m just being me and where that leads me is unknown because you never know what happens in tomorrowland until you’re there. (ha 10 points for anyone who knows what I’m talking about in this sentence! it’s a multi meaning type of thing.)
I’m just going to stop this now.