Tag Archive | end of life

This is the end

This is what I posted on my tumblr the night of my work accident. My tumblr blog is



I feel like my life is ruined. I’m in so much pain. fractured my ring finger and the rest of my hand was severely crushed… I can’t do anything alone. the DR. didn’t perscribe pain killers. I just want to sit in a ball crying, hey wait … that’s what I have been doing … how am I supposed to do homework? put on make up? get dressed? drive my car? and work? I’m so poor I  can barely afford food and now this? I’m having a serious panic attack. I know it could have been worse, I could have lost my fingers. But this alone is enough to discourage anyone.

and I just want to bawl…

mind my spelling mistakes #NotALefty


Lefty and rightyhalf cast


Essentially my glove got caught and pulled my hand in which then got crushed by sprocket

Definition of sprocket:

      1. Each of several projections on the rim of a wheel that engage with the links of a chain or with holes in film, tape, or paper.

      2. A wheel with teeth.

Then the chain continued to well crush my hand. my first reaction was to pull my hand but I couldn’t and after about 10 second (the longest most painful seconds of my life) I remembered the emergency stop button. I got my hand out which at this time was completely numb out and the supervisor sat me down in the office. Then called the ambulance (company rules.) I was fiercely shaking and kind of hysterical, couldn’t feel anything and was bleeding everywheres – kinda had the  right to freak out. The doctor at first said your hand just suffered trauma and I was like “Bitch no, there’s something wrong with my ring finger, all I feel is a fucking grinding ass pain, there is somethings wrong.” (said in a more polite tone of course 🙂 ) and then it turns out it was fractured in the knuckle area, however that works out… Overall the most painfullest experience of my life. My two car accidents put together wasn’t even this bad and I had whip-lash with deep cuts.

I after a day, I have figured out that I can in fact wash my own hair (in a bath tub). Play monopoly very good in fact. And need at least 4 pain killers every 4-6 hours.  I can type very slowly with my left hand. I can close a car door. I can eat certain things like crackers. but something like apple sauce or cereal is very hard to do, I can’t hold the bowl in one place and have a hard time controlling my left hand while directing the spoon. According to my boyfriend this is hilarious.

I can’t do a lot of things that really frustrate me and from there just make me sad or mad or both and then usually cry in defeat. but I’ve gotten over this pretty much. I just avoid things that I know I can’t do. But its all very very discouraging. So my strategy is to avoid such things because I know they’ll just make everything so much more worst.

My boyfriend has been the best, he is super helpfull and deals with all of my bitching, complaining, anger issues and sadnesss and for the most part is still incouraging and helpfull 🙂 going to get all mouchy here but I ❤ him :]

I’ll update my blog as much as possible but I have no idea when, with 12 days of school left, this hand and frequent panic attacks I can’t for sure tell you how many blogs I will write.